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I wasn’t trying to make a super offensive blog post here but I’m not sure how you make an irreverent blog post about rape & abortion and keep it non-offensive.  Then I realized there is absolutely nothing I can write that is more offensive than the actual Republican legislation being proposed because in a sane world no elected official would be so dumb/horrible to even propose it.  So I decided to just wallow in Republican thought and see what came out, as a result this is like so fucking offensive and I am just warning you now that you will probably be offended and also here is a heads up about how I don’t give a fuck.

Based on recent proposed Republican legislation you might be wondering what exactly the GOP is trying to accomplish with all these seemingly anti-woman, pro-forced breeding bills.  The easy answer is probably something like:  Republicans are mostly unrepentant monsters incapable of empathy who view women as fundamentally inferior creatures of questionable value to their political careers who they think are constantly being total slutty teases that are asking for it and having tons of abortions for fun on the taxpayer’s dime.  Well that’s the easy answer but is there more to this?   I can’t say with 100% certainty but I have spent time “connecting the dots” as it were and I’ve come up with 3 possible scenarios that could play out if the GOP gets the chance to move this legislation into law.

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I guess what Star Trek is trying to tell me is that they don’t need locking doors on the holodeck because people of the 24th century aren’t going to be doing anything they wouldn’t be comfortable with anyone walking in & seeing.  Not that everyone in the 24th century is a kinky exhibitionist, but that they don’t use the holodeck to do really freaky shit, because they are all cultured and evolved and work to better themselves and all of humanity and somehow making a holographic copy of their crewmates to rape in a holodungeon just doesn’t even occur to them.  If this is true then by the time humanity gains holodeck technology the entire point of it will have already been wasted on them.

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Nevermind that in this whole GROUND ZERO MOSQUE hullabaloo that it is not at GROUND ZERO nor is it exactly a MOSQUE and let’s ignore that it is just another bullshit reactionary right-wing temper tantrum that the media, our representatives in government and everyone on the Facebook are treating like something worthy of discussion so that we can ignore actual important things that happen.  Let’s just go with everyone’s groundless assumption that building a community center around the corner and down 2 blocks from where some fundamentalist Muslim cockfags murdered thousands of people with airplanes is literally a slap in the face and a stab in the heart to Lady Liberty.  Personally I am still in shock to find out that Muslims are even allowed in New York after 9/11 so I am just going to agree with everyone that this is horribly offensive and inappropriate.

Don't tread on the sacred abandoned Burlington Coat Factory.

Thinking rationally about something like this is just going to get my brain all in a twitter and give me the vapors so let’s just all agree that the proposed prayer room is going to be filled with jihadists praying for the death of America and that the day care center is going to be pumping out terror babies 24/7.  Now that we are all in agreement, I’d like to suggest other proposed GROUND ZERO PLACES OF INTEREST for us to get outraged about.

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I rewatched the final episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer “Chosen” which is pretty good as series finales go.  I think it wraps everything up without making me miserable like the Angel series finale did.  I like that the core Scoobies survived because I would have been totally pissed as a viewer if Joss had killed them off.  I even was glad Wesley Crusher Dawn survived because by the end of the series she was actually useful and likable which is an amazing feat.  Like with anything you spend seven years watching I had a few things I didn’t like or would have changed but overall the show was a winner.

For example, my finale would have been "Buffy the Vampire Layer vs. Count Fuckula"

But here I am picking nits because I am a big baby who poops on everything you like.  So I do have a few issues with the finale that pop into my head every time I see it.  Oh and just in case you didn’t notice, heads up I’m talking about the last episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer so if somehow you’ve never seen it but plan on seeing it:

Also, Dumbledore is gay for Bruce Willis who was dead the whole time!

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Lalalalalalalala BOM BOM BOM BOM Lalalalalala-lalalalalalala dooooWHEE dooooWHEEEEE! Lalalalalalalala WHAwhaa WHAwhaa Doodley Doodley Doodleydoo!

I am not one of those whiny bitches who is always like “All Tim Burton ever does it make the same goth fanservice movie over & over again”.  I don’t want you to mistakenly think I have a problem with his movies being stylistically similar or to think I give a fuck about goths in general.  I would not care if tomorrow he released “Hot Topic Presents Tim Burton’s Boohoo Goth Wank” starring Johnny Depp & Helena Bonham Carter using entirely inscrutable accents and it was scored by Danny Elfman on a doodeeladoo bender and the whole thing was 4 hours long.  That is great, the more Tim Burtoney the better because that is what you are looking for when you go to that type of film.  My problem with his films is very simple, ever since he built that studio up his ass I don’t think he’s been getting much in the way of constructive feedback & it appears his films are suffering for it.

If you GIS "goth wank" this isn't what you get, give it a try.

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Don’t get me wrong as soon as I get a wall sized tv for my hobo shanty I bet this will be a lot of fun.  I love new technology and I love video games so I love new video game technology.   It has been a gamer dream of mine to play a controllerless Grand Theft Auto & mime beating a hooker to death with a golf club so Microsoft has already sold me on the concept of Kinect. It’s highly doubtful it’s going to be half as impressive as the staged demos pretend it is but I don’t care about that because even when I’m not broke I’m not an early adopter.  What really caught my attention at the Project Natal Experience was how fucking insufferable the presentation was. Read More »

Oh hey there poor person, I just wanted to mention a few great things about successfully being poor.  Oftentimes people get really bummed out about being broke.  I don’t mean living under an overpass broke, I mean eating beans & rice for a week so you don’t go negative when rent drafts broke.  I mean cutting the mold off that it’s still pretty good broke & saving up to buy new socks broke.  Somewhere between getting by & scrapping by broke, this is the poor of which I speak.  You’ve got a tv & a roof over your head but you aren’t going out to eat tonight, no not even at the Olive Garden do I look like I am made of money?  You’re poor but you’re not THAT poor.  And here are a few great things about it: Read More »